try'n · ta · reason · with · savages...

so in a little bit more than a week i'll be bording a plane to saskatoon. it's pretty wild and the reallity of the matter really hasn't hit me yet. but the nerves are in full force. up and down. elated excited terrified petrified... change your mind.. its that easy. conflicts of cold feet. but i've decided, i'm doing it. fingers crossed and all that jazz. adventure or something like it.. life experiments.

*squish squish squirm* ahhh
this is a cushy little spot.
no visits today. the day is mine to do with as i please.
what does please me? a camera would be nice :\
the dolls are looking nifty... but i shant have any proof of it.
pity that. perhaps i should go apply for a job. become a functioning member of society.
make monies. monies are nice and necessary.
i dont feel like doing anything...

caught in a limbo, thats not even my own. i feel that i should probably take more of an active role in my life but i havent the drive to move my limbs in any direction other then towards blankets and pillows... and dreams. last night my dream was filled with wonder and a strange sort of happiness. the sky was clouded and grey, you know the type where u cant see the clouds.. you just know they're there. and friends of mine would speak to me in spanish- that was a first- i also poured some sort of blue potion of vegitation in the sidewalk cracks. i dont know what it was meant for. all the youth that were playing in the field and on the street, gethered at one point on some ** by the forest. i didnt want to sit in the crowd and it was noisy so i went to roll around in the grass. it was moist and muddy but i didnt get very dirty. when i walked back this man was selling off these papier machee people/creatures on the corner where all the kids had been. i didnt understand... but after i woke up i thought about it for a bit and i think he had some magic and turned the kids into those toys.
in my waking state after the dream i decided that i would have taken the man into the forest and invited him to a bonfire dance i was having with my friends. he would come and then they would roast him or kill him in someother manner. my friends were faerie people and the creatures of the forest. its okay though... he was an evil man.

perhaps i should start getting these things analyzed. hmm.

christmas is over
what a vexing sort of season
i need a vacation from this hoiday
children love santa. let them have it.
malls and magic? compatible?
painful bodies and artificial existance
cynical persistance
merry christmas

still in brampton away from my things. for the first time in a long while i ventured on the internet.... i surfed if u will... and i ended smack dab in the middle of trailer heaven and who might i have run across there... well our most favorite of pretty lads, the lip-luscious, beautiful cillian murphy. in good form. stunning really. the hair suits him. also all boys should wear eyeliner... those of us who know better will agree on this point.
tadaa: http://www.sonyclassics.com/breakfastonpluto/main.htm
the trailer was.. bleh... but the film looks like it has potential. and then there was that beautiful song playing in the background... one of my all-time favorites tunes... not used to its full potential but whatever. i once made an entire cd of different of covers of that song... it has long since been scratched. sadness. i should complile them once again... and listen to it on repeat.
the revolution is coming children awake... oldies repent.

i just woke up from a 12hr session of sleep
the epic dreaming sets are the best i will try to remember
andrew and i go to the library... we're reading...
it turns out we are at a school library. not our own... people from max are there
its a unniversity? they are having a class meeting in preparation for an exam. they all agree to several minutes of quiet before hnd to gather their thoughts and ready themselves. the first two girls go to the quiet room... i know them i say something funny... they sort of tell me to bugger off. i wish them best of luck, and they think i'm sweet for this. i walk out of that glass quiet room i see maxine at the end of the room.. or feel her presence. andrew and i start packing up, and smooch a little. he goes outside i stay inside i walk down stairs.. this is not just a schoool it is a giant futuuristic complex.. there are all kinds of facilities. currently in the main theatre there are students gather for a large politial presentation. some government officials will be visiting... i sit in the back and nicole comes over, i say whats up she says that she was talking with andrew but he says he needs some "human time" she tells me how she thought that they were cool but she guesses that the last time they had sex something probably went wrong. she seems bothered by his attitude, not upset, pissed off. the girls behind us.. who i think are ex indigo employees atart talking about how this roomer i heard while upstairs that rain was reccomende by some leading politician... i'm not sure for what but it seems like a big deal, and it seems like everyone else is jealous. they start talking policy and stuff... i lose interest and i am having a hard time following the conversation i walk out of the threatre... in the main lobbby there are several powerful men and thier powerful-by-association children, i think i've walked into a green room or something but no one seems to take notice of me. i think i'm looking for andrew.. ultimately but not feeling pressed by the matter. i look for a way out.. i walk down one ramp but it leads to the stage and so i urn around and walk another way... the way outside. i'm now in the parking lot and one of these powerful families has follwed me out a father and son.. well 2 sons now turned into one. i know they want to be near me.. it seems they would like me to "over hear" the conversation. i dont really mind, i'm just looking for a good place to sit... i find a siny strip of grass and fairly young trees on the edge of the sunny side of the parking strip. i stand by the tree that reminds me of my frontyard in brampton... the men speak about things that fathers and sons should speak of.. i think its one of those "secrets of living" speaches... i catch bits and pieces, but mostly turn it into a mmurmur in the background. eventually i gfet tired of this and walk to the other side of the lot. it seems that this is the loading area and also a lot for larger veichles... there are several campers that drive by. edgar is there telling jenny to keep and eye out because her favorite thing is going to drive by... its a camper pulled by a van. its pretty neat i guess. she says it is her favorite thing and they start walking off.. i sort of tang behind.. but end up losing them and run into my older sister. her and her firneds are getting ready to head out. i'm in their car we start driving... the driver is going really face.. in my mind i attribute this to the future, the future is faster. however we are driving along a hillly grassy area... its quite beautiful but we are heading straight to a highway ramp. the driver saya "she how everyone is driving fast around this bend, its becuase u have to to read the signs" and i look ahead and realize she is right... all the road signs are crammed into one corener around the bend. poor planning, someone should fix that. i now understand the reality of the highway and how i dont want to go where they are going. i ask my sister if they could drop me on the side of the road. i dont want to leave and i'd actually really enjoy walking back through this lush road side. she says but we're going to garage sales, but i have no money to spend so whats the point.... i wake up
----
i forgot to mention that whilst in the building i kept looking for bathroom facilities and everytime i found one it was leaky and over floaded and filled with crap. often when i was inside them the other ladies would be in swimsuits. that was wierd. and slightly discusting.
----
there was more to it, but i cant really remember . dreams are funny things.

life is funny. fish are funny
i fought the war...she says
girls are silly. boys are tricky
more should be said but my kidney is burning
jus de pomme salva me porfavor
a dormir me dise el
dans le lit .... sanctuary

look at this awsome mask:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/61402902@N00/68974714/

halloween was good times. too bad its over. i slept an insane amount yesterday, and had several insane dreams. one dream was really sad full of dying hamsters and mice T__T in another i ate fish.. and it was really tasty... thats the first time i ate in a dream that i can remember... and it was delicious. thats so wierd. just came back from drawing with a friend. we didnt draw enough but it was fun. dogs kept peeing on our picnic table. i guess we sat at the pee table

thanks to a post by lobsterpajamas i've been looking at spader pictures again. isint he dreamy. soo much sexiness. one day i will cosplay as steff from pretty in pink. and it will be glorious!

website: jamesspader.org (click image below to watch a clip)

( spadertastic )

it was my elder sister's birthday thingy today. we went to a resturant had a nice meal. they went dancing afterwards.. to some club with beds. she reserved a bed. heh. i came home. i feel a little shitty. i think i'm getting sick. i feel like this:

and this:

i luve this show... its coming out on dvd .... it shall be mine!!!

i love this show. i believe its from showcase. the story is about a theatre. keeping it alive and the people who work there. paul gross, mark mckinney, martha burns, susan coye, stephen ouimette, don mckeller and many others. increadibly funny, excellent acting. watch it

rosa kato

( more kato )

for anyone who hasn't seen HUFF (tv series) i think it is a must. unbelievable acting! i've always had a crush on hank azaria(huff) but he's suprisingly HOT on this show. byrd is absolutely adorable... why does he have to be 14? >__- teddy is a kindred. and most of all russell tupper(platt) *giant sigh* i am madly crushing on him... and in utter awww of his performances. the ladies are of equal if not greater callibur.. i'm just not crushing on them soo much >__-

the movie was excellent. any fan of the series will not be disapointed and i went to watch it with a friend who hadnt watched the series and he thought it was excellent. so double reccommendation!! i need firefly on dvd. oooh box sets how i love u.










ps i was delighted to see David Krumholtz in there, i had no idea! i luuuv him!

What Seinfeld character are you? Elaine Benes You are Jerry's ex-girlfriend but you are now just friends. You have a famous alcoholic father and usually work in the publishing industry. You like your hair to be a wall on your head, and when excited, you push people to the ground while yelling "Get Out!!"

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

personally i think if i'm anyone. its either kramer or... some other minor charcter... curious are these results. shrug. i will ponder about it more then i really should.


feb24/06: i recently came to realize that i had missunderstood elaine. also she is quite the fashionable lady.

I woke up today to the sounds of a grown man yelping. at first the sound wasn't really registering, but soon i started to make sense of the words.. in particular " I'm fuckin six feet tall and you didnt see me? awww haaa awwww" so i jump up from my bed and look out the window and sure enough there is a cyclist lying on the road and the sorry man that hit him is standing near by in shock obviously not knowing what he should do. my first idea. call an ambulance.. or give him a ride to the hospital man! but shock can do funny things to u. luckily some passerby stepped in to help the situation... whilst the rest of us just stared and moved on. i decided i didnt really wanna watch and i had to go to the bathroom. and in the backround i could hear him whinning "you messed up man!" he was the most verbal accident victim i've come across, good vocal range too. heh. hope the dude is alright though.. there was no blood i could see but the car seemed to have hit his leg. could be broken. or internal bleeding. i should probably get a bike helmet.





ps my dream was pretty wild too. something to do with high tides. giant waves. trailers and the apocalypse.